Why don’t Victims Leave Abusers?
If you are concerned for a loved one or child you believe may be in an abusive relation, don't hold others to the standards you hold for yourself. Victims don’t leave abusers for a number of reasons:
Shame stemming from religious or social beliefs may inspire a woman to submit to abuse, rather than separate or divorce. Loyalty to a spouse or loved one, an admirable characteristic, may be misplaced resulting in harm to one’s self or children. Financial dependence may keep a person from fleeing, because you can’t get far nor eat very much with just a few dollars. Many folks don’t realize a divorce court or Order of Protection court may require financial support be paid to help the fleeing person get away and become independent.
Emotional dependence (or co-dependence) may leave a person too fragile to flee. Does anyone really believe he or she can’t start life strong but gradually wear out after repeated episodes of heightened anxiety and/or violence? Even the toughest soldiers can develop post-traumatic stress, so why can’t folks understand others can, too? Perhaps there is something in all of us that hopes and wishes it can’t happen to us, so we don’t want to believe it could happen to another unless that other had something wrong with her, or him, initially. Victims ought not be blamed for being victims, rather, abusers ought to be blamed for being abusers.
Learned helplessness is an emotional condition characterized by a person coming to believe there is nothing that can be done to avoid problems. Why does an elephant not run away at the circus? He is trained that he can’t go more than a few feet when an ankle bracelet is on his ankle. At first, the elephant may tug at the chain pounded into the ground and secured to his ankle. Gradually, he learns that when that ankle bracelet is on, he just has to restrict his movements and can’t go anywhere.
Victims sometimes learn they can’t do anything to avoid threats or abuse, but this can be unlearned. All-powerful abusers may impress upon victims that the victims are small and weak, while the abusers are strong, politically connected, and can’t be stopped. Who wants to take on a battle that can’t be won?
Low self-esteem may result from any number of causes, and/or be fostered by an abuser who takes advantage of one with low self esteem or teaches a victim to have low self esteem. If you don’t think you can leave, you can’t. Contact William C. Cremins for a confidential discussion.
“Its my fault” may be what some believe when they are beaten, justifying the violence by coming to think it is appropriate sometimes. It is never OK. One woman explained she deserved abuse because she never did anything right. Another came to believe she could manage or control her abuser by giving in to his excessive and crazy demands upon her and the children. This kind of thinking leaves no one happy or safe.
Why do Batterers Batter?
One source indicates at least half of men who beat their wives grew up in homes where violence against family members was considered OK. If one can learn a bad behavior is OK, one can engage in the bad behavior without qualms. One may consider it normal to abuse women and children, because cultural norms instilled that belief. There was a man who tried to explain to a judge in an Order of Protection case that, in his native country, a man could beat his wife if she displeased him. He quickly learned that ideas differ here.
Sometimes, violence and bullying is an expression of power that one does not have anywhere outside the home. A person may be bullied at work, in the community, or otherwise feel vulnerable until inside his or her home where the tables turn, and that person is able to exercise some authority. A person may become so stressed that he or she does not know how to relieve it other than through violence.
Alcohol addictions or drug addictions may complicate already dangerous situations. Low self-esteem may leave some folks jealous or concerned they will be left for a richer, better, more handsome, more successful new spouse. Personality disorders may be inflamed by the slightest triggers.
Knoxville Attorney William C. Cremins takes Orders of Protection seriously. If there are threats of harm to you, or if you have been hurt by a relative or certain others, Attorney William C. Cremins will try to quickly and diligently secure a protective order to ensure your safety. If a spouse is making up stories to gain an advantage in a divorce, William C. Cremins will strive to reveal the fraud upon the court. . Depending upon your circumstances, William C. Cremins may be able to provide pro bono legal services if you may not be able to afford a lawyer and your safety (or your children’s safety) is at risk.
Protect Yourself and Your Children
If you are a victim of abuse or threats, Knoxville divorce lawyer William C. Cremins, will work hard for you to keep you safe. Mr. Cremins takes these cases seriously, and your well-being is a first priority. There are safe houses where victims and their children may flee to get away from an abuser. Obviously, those safe houses would not be very safe is addresses were listed on this site. Contact William C. Cremins for immediate advice upon what to do if you or your children are threatened.
The abuser must be told in specific language to stop harming or threatening you. A court order puts the abuser on notice to stay away from you, and an immediate arrest upon your complaint to the police may result if you have an Order of Protection and you explain to the police that it was violated by one the Order requires leave you alone.
Contact William C. Cremins or call 1-866-618-6539 for help with your legal case.